Commitment to Preserving Marriages
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate (Matthew 19:6).
God designed marriage to reflect the beauty and permanence of Christ’s loving relationship with His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-33; Revelation 19:7). Therefore, He established marriage to be a lifelong, exclusive relationship between one man and one woman (Matthew 19:4-6). God also designed it to provide mutual companionship through life’s joys and difficulties, to create stability for raising and nurturing children, and to give strength and cohesiveness to society in general.
In our society, marriages fail under a wide range of circumstances. Many people have gone through a divorce before having a relationship with Christ, and others have experienced divorce through no desire or decision of their own. Still others may have divorced because of their own wrongful choices but have since experienced the repentance and forgiveness offered through our Lord Jesus. We want all to know they are welcome at Calvary Church—single, married, and divorced. Marital status will not hinder anyone from being involved in any of Calvary’s ministries.
Because our church recognizes both the divine origin of marriage and the devastating effects of divorce, we are deeply committed to preserving marriages and preventing divorce. Toward this end, we will devote a significant portion of our preaching and teaching ministry to strengthening marriages and families. We require and provide serious premarital counseling to ensure that couples enter into marriage advisedly and are well prepared for its many challenges.
We also encourage couples to nurture their marriages by participating in our Life Groups ministry where they can grow together in their love for God and for one another (Hebrews 10:24-25). As relationships deepen within these groups, we expect husbands to spur each other on in loving and cherishing their wives, and we expect wives to encourage one another in respecting and loving their husbands (Ephesians 5:33).
Our leaders are committed to providing counsel and support to couples who face marital difficulties. We will discourage couples from using divorce as a way to escape issues that instead can be resolved through Spirit-guided counseling, repentance, forgiveness, and ongoing discipleship.
We recognize, however, that there are times when God permits a believer to seek a divorce without sinning against God or a spouse. We believe divorce is permissible when the other spouse has been sexually involved with a person outside the marriage (Matthew 5:31-32), or when an unbelieving spouse abandons a marriage (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
Even though divorce is permissible in these situations, it is not required. God patiently bears with our sins, repeatedly calls us to repentance, and freely forgives us when we turn back to Him (Psalm 103:8-12; Isaiah 55:7). When divorce becomes an option, an offended spouse can imitate God’s love by offering a straying spouse these same evidences of grace (Ephesians 5:1-2). This may involve patiently bearing neglect or lovingly confronting serious sin (Colossians 3:12-14; Galatians 6:1). In some situations, love may require asking the church to initiate formal discipline to rescue a spouse and a marriage from the devastating effects of unrepentant sin (Matthew 18:12-20).
Just as church leaders are involved in beginning a marriage, they should be involved when it is in danger of ending. Therefore, if a member of Calvary Church is considering divorce, he or she is expected to bring the situation to our pastors, elders, or Restoration Council and cooperate with them as they promote repentance and reconciliation; pursue redemptive discipline, if appropriate; and determine whether biblical grounds exist for divorce. There are situations in which church leaders will suggest a couple physically, and perhaps legally, separate for a time while restoration is being pursued. During this time, leaders will look for marks for genuine repentance.
Separated spouses who are moving toward divorce should consider themselves married until the day a civil court issues a divorce decree. Thus they should refrain from dating or any other activity that is inconsistent with being married.
We are always interested in helping divorced people restore their previous marriage if that is possible and appropriate. We will support a decision to pursue a second marriage to a different person only when we have determined that it is biblically valid and that every reasonable effort has been made to seek and grant forgiveness of the sins that contributed to a previous divorce.
We rejoice that divorce never diminishes God’s free offer of love, grace, and forgiveness. He cherishes and loves every person who has been unwillingly divorced, as does our church. God also graciously extends His love to those who have wrongly left their marriages. That love moves Him (and us) to call them to repentance, to encourage and aid reconciliation when possible, and to gladly restore those who have done all they can to rebuild broken relationships.Above all, we pray that our ministry of peacemaking will bring praise to our Lord Jesus Christ and that through the peacemaking process, lives would be changed forever by the gospel.
